Posted by: arijnovick | February 12, 2008

Anger Control Tip#2 Postive and Negative Anger?

Contrary to popular belief, Anger can be both Positive and Negative.

Anger Tip#2: Understanding Positive and Negative Anger

Positive Anger:

· Anger is an emotion that is normal to all of us. Usually, anger is a recognition that we have been hurt or feel threatened. It is a warning signal and a clear indication that something is wrong. This may be a signal to make a clear decision to protect yourself.

· Anger is a healthy release. It takes an enormous amount of energy to hold anger inside which may cause fatigue, boredom, and physical illness. If you release your anger appropriately, you may find that you develop healthier relationships.

Example: If you have a friend that is constantly late. This is very upsetting to you but you do saying anything, or you just begin to make excuses not to see your friend? If you go this route you may lose a valuable friendship. If you are able to tell your friend using assertive communication that being late is difficult for you and makes you feel unimportant, she may decide that she values your honesty, apologizes, and begins to arrive on time. This interaction may facilitate a closer relationship with your friend.

· Positive use of anger can also build self-esteem. If you are able to tell someone your feelings instead of keeping them inside, you are saying to the world “ I am a valuable person and I expect to be treated as such.”

Negative Anger:

· When you begin to feel angry, there is a moment of pain between thoughts and anger. The perception becomes that someone else caused this pain and that it is their fault. This ignites the anger and usually ends up in a destructive confrontation.

Example: Your spouse comes home from work angry and begins to yell at you. Your spouse then blames you for his/her bad day. Your spouse had a negative experience at work and directed the anger towards you.

· Turning anger inward can cause depression or physical illness, such as indigestion, hypertension, headaches, and diarrhea.

· Feeling angry without identifying the reasons may lead us to act out inappropriately. We may use verbal, physical, sexual, or emotionally abusive behaviors, such as emotional withdrawal, sarcastic comments, physical assault, backstabbing, and self-pity.

Ari Novick, Ph.D., LMFT
AJ Novick Group- Anger Management

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