Posted by: arijnovick | February 21, 2008

Anger Management Control Tool: Improving Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the total of one’s self-confidence, self-worth and self-respect. Webster’s dictionary defines it as simply a “A confidence and satisfaction in oneself.” However one chooses to define it, the fundamental nature of self-esteem is based on understanding, accepting and liking oneself.

Self-esteem involves feeling good about your beliefs, thoughts, feelings and desires. High self-esteem is important because it provides a foundation for you to deal with life’s many challenges. Improving your self-esteem can give you the confidence, strength, and resiliency to face and overcome the many obstacles that may come your way.

Self-esteem is not the way others see you; it is the way you see yourself. You are the only source of your self-esteem. Therefore, you are the only person who has the power to make you feel good about you.

Self-esteem requires a respect for your inner worth, your feelings and values. It also requires a respect for your outer worth, which is seen in the way you behave and fit into the world around you. Self-esteem is a blend of internal confidence, external achievements, and compassion for oneself.

Do not listen to those negative tapes that play over and over in your head. Treat yourself with compassion by changing the messages of those tapes. Because you, with the help of some maybe not-so-helpful others, played a big part in creating your current self-image, as an adult, with adult standards and authority, you can now play a part in reconstructing your self-image.

How to Improve Your Self-Esteem It is important to remember that high self-esteem evolves from viewing yourself as a unique, valuable, and worthwhile person, and is not dependent on how other people view you. You are your greatest asset. You can start improving your self-esteem today by:

• Believing in yourself.

• Letting go of past hurts and forgiving others. Recall what you learned in Week 4 about forgiveness.

• Loving and accepting yourself unconditionally.

• Believing in your dreams and persisting to make your dreams become reality.

• Planning and setting attainable goals in life.

• Meditating and spending a few quiet moments by yourself each day.

• Visualize: See yourself achieving and prospering in life.

• Talk to yourself each day: Internalize positive affirmations that help you believe in yourself.

• Exercise at least three days each week.

For more information on improving self-esteem and learning anger management skills contact:

Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University’s Graduate School of Education and Psychology. His corporate website is and his innovative online anger management class is available at


  1. Now anger management is a serious issue, especially with impulsive or easily addictive personalities.

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