Posted by: arijnovick | May 1, 2009

Assertive Communication – A Skill Taught in Anger Management Classes

What is assertive communication?

It is a way to communicate so that you convey your rights in a good way. Assertive communication helps people clearly explain their wants, needs, and feelings to other people. It is a way of getting things that you want without violating or offending others’ rights or having to walk away without getting what you want.

Assertive people tell others what they want and need clearly; they have a knack of saying the correct thing at the correct time.  Assertive communication skills are the antidote to harmful and destructive communication patterns.

It’s not always what you say, but how you say it that people respond to.
Pay close attention to:

  • Facial expressions
  • Eye contact
  • Posture (how you stand)
  • Hand and arm movement
  • Tone of voice
  • Volume

Assertive communicators also tend to use the “magic formula” to communicate their feelings and needs

I feel …describe the feeling you are having.
When you…describe the behavior that bothers you
Because…describe how the behavior affects you
I need…how you are requesting the person to change

Here is an example:

Your wife comes home late without calling and you might say:
“I feel hurt and concerned when you don’t call when your running late.  It makes me think you don’t care about my feelings.  I really need to you to make an effort and call me if your going to run late, OK?”

Learning Assertive Communication is skill taught in a quality anger management program.  For information on our local anger management classes or our online anger management classes, please visit our websites or contact our office at 949 715-2694

Ari Novick, Ph.D.
AJ Novick Group, Inc. – Anger Management

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