Posted by: arijnovick | March 23, 2011

Top 5 Ways Anger Kills a Good Relationship

Anger is a powerful emotion.  It is one emotion that all human beings experience.  It can often have lasting and damaging effects on others if we do not learn how to control ourselves and our impulses.  After seeing hundreds of new clients each year over the last 8 years, I have come to see some common similarities of how anger can cause serious problems in relationships.  I have also seen first hand how anger management classes can help.

Here is a short list of some of the main ways anger is problematic:

1. Angry outbursts in relationships take a serious toll.  Eventually the person(s) who have been inflicted will leave you.  As the old saying goes, “you can’t un-ring a bell”.  With anger, it’s the same way.  You can’t take back the devastating effects of a raging episode of anger.  Keep in mind, behavior is choice.  One can choose to behave good or poorly.  Anger can destroy a relationship that may have meant everything to you.

2. Don’t make important decisions while your angry.  Most people feel like problems must get resolved in the moment they happen and end up having their anger guide them in a direction that their normal thinking would not have taken them.  Most problems do not have to be solved in the moment.  In fact, other than a life or death situation, most problems can wait a few hours or even days.

3. Anger steals our perspective.  When we get angry, we end up only seeing the side of the argument that makes sense to us.  When we are angry, our ability to see multiple perspectives gets out of wack and we end up passing judgment too quickly.  Don’t let your anger take away your perspective.

4. Manage expectations before you get upset.  Often our anger is the result of being let down or having an expectation that hasn’t been met.  Learning how to manage expectations can help in staying calm and not feeling disapointed with ourselves or others.

One great way to learn how to better manage anger is through an anger management class or individual coaching for anger management.  Seek the help you need before you end up ruining a relationship that is important to you.

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